Have you ever been mid-conversation with someone…maybe across the table at a coffee shop or in the middle of a meeting, and you suddenly realize they aren’t actually listening to you?
They are nodding. They are making the right facial expressions. They might even throw in a well-timed, “Wow, that’s crazy.” But you can see it in their eyes: their brain just checked out. They are thinking about an email they need to send, what they are having for lunch, or their to-do list for the afternoon.
How does that make you feel? Usually, it makes us feel unseen, unimportant, and completely disconnected.
Now, if we as rational teenagers and adults, who understand how busy life gets, feel the sting of being ignored, imagine how a child feels.
When an elementary-aged kid looks up and realizes the adult in their circle is just going through the motions, their radar goes off instantly. They don’t rationalize it and think, “Oh, my leader is just stressed about their afternoon.” They internalize it and think, “I must not be that important.”
Last week, we talked about the absolute baseline of Be Present: Showing Up Predictably. We established that your weekly consistency is the currency that buys you trust with the next generation.
But here is a tension we have to face together: showing up predictably (weekly) is just your bare minimum. Now, we have to take it to the next level.
It’s one thing to show up physically, but it’s an entirely different thing to show up physically and mentally.
In Flatirons Kids, we aren’t just talking about sauntering in, sunglasses on, caramel macchiato in hand. We aren’t talking about enduring the episode of Story Lab or The So & So Show, reading off questions, and closing in prayer. We are talking about showing up energetic, fully attentive, and eager to listen.
When you choose to show up mentally, you make a deliberate, sometimes difficult choice. You leave your text messages at the door. You accept the fact that your social media feeds will go unmanned for a couple of hours. You resist all urges to mentally plan your next vacation, count the ceiling tiles, or “rest your eyes” for a few minutes.
Instead, you engage with your kids. You ask about their lives, as though their high score on a video game or who their new class crush (if you have served with 5th Grade girls, you get it) is the exact kind of information you live for.
But it doesn’t stop with discussing the latest video games. Because you are there to do more than just hang out. When you show up mentally, you commit to engaging your few in meaningful activities/discussions and listening, really listening, to what your kids have to say. This means knowing the content ahead of time and being mentally prepared to shed some insight of Jesus and His love into their world.
In order to really show up mentally, you need to be prepared, awake, and engaged.
Predictability builds the bridge of trust. Showing up mentally is how you walk across it. When you show up on a regular basis, both physically and mentally, you are well on the way to connecting your kids to a community of believers that will encourage authentic faith.
As we step into our environments this week, remember this:
Showing up physically earns you a seat in their circle. Showing up mentally earns you a voice in their life.
Let’s bring our full, undivided attention to the circle!