An eight-year-old’s shoulders are roughly fourteen inches wide. 

That is entirely too small to carry the weight of a crumbling marriage. It’s too small to carry the crushing, low-level anxiety of a digital world that never turns off. It is absolutely too small to carry the terrifying burden of abuse, severe bullying, or self-harm. 

And yet, every single Sunday, kids walk through our doors carrying invisible backpacks stuffed with exactly those things. 

We love to picture elementary school as this blissful, innocent season of life. But if we are paying attention to the generation we are leading, we know the reality is far more complicated. We are leading Gen Alpha. Research tells us that an unprecedented number of these kids are already struggling deeply with their mental health. They are navigating broken family dynamics, immense social pressure, and an unfiltered digital world long before their brains are fully developed. 

And here is the terrifying, beautiful turning point of your leadership: If you do exactly what we’ve talked about over the the previous few weeks (if you successfully Lead the Group and Respect the Process) something incredible is going to happen in your circle. 

They are going to trust you. 

But with that trust comes a massive tension. Because eventually, an elementary-aged child is going to look at you and share a secret that completely stops your heart. It might be about their home life. It might be about a deep, hidden pain. It will be something that is entirely above your pay grade. 

That brings us to our third and final sub-principle of Creating a Safe Place: Guard the Heart. 

We tell kids that our circles are a safe, confidential space. But part of creating a safe place means protecting your few. And sometimes, the absolute best way to protect them is through a breach of confidentiality. 

We have to put a massive disclaimer on our confidentiality. We call them the “Three Hurts”. If a kid shares that they are being hurt, hurting others, or hurting themselves, confidentiality goes out the window. 

Guarding their heart means you do not carry that burden alone. You are a Small Group Leader; you are not a therapist, a social worker, or a savior. When one of the three hurts is revealed, it is your absolute responsibility to guard their heart by immediately seeking the help of someone in an authority position. You bring our Elementary staff into the loop so we can move forward as a qualified team. 

You are the bridge. You are the trusted leader who gets them the help they desperately need. 

So, as you prepare your heart for this weekend, I want to leave you with a question to chew on: 

Think about your own boundaries as a leader. If an eight-year-old whispered to you this Sunday that they were being hurt at home, do you know exactly who you would grab in our hallway to get help? 

Think about that scenario. Because the ultimate way we love these kids is by protecting them.from them that they never actually sat down to explicitly teach you? 

Think about that.